Now that I know my limits, I can plan out dates accordingly and make sure not to overdo it (aka two dates in one day).
Day 11 & 12: Rejection
The beginning of this week was pretty quiet as things go. I have decided to stop swiping on Tinder not only because my two weeks are almost up, but because now that I’m starting to go on second dates with these guys I figure I should probably figure out where I am with them before I start dating other people.
Everyone has faced rejection in some form at one point or another. We didn’t get the grade, the promotion, or the opportunity we wanted. We feel exhausted and defeated, and it takes real effort to get back up on the horse again.
But, Logically . . .
Now, logically (and I’m sure by now you can tell I’m a pretty logical person), the pain from rejection doesn’t make sense to me, especially in the context of dating.
It seems to me that people are (hopefully) engaging in relationships in which both partners have it in their best interests to want it to work out. If a relationship doesn’t work for one or both of the participators, it would stand, therefore, that it would make sense and be in interests of both people if they terminated the relationship. Because if one half of the equation doesn’t work out both partners would want to move on to a relationship which works.
“Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself”
After suffering extreme emotional pain at the hands of one relationship, I now withhold my emotions jealously. As I’ve mentioned before, it takes quite a while for me to emotionally invest myself in another person. Therefore, if a guy doesn’t call back after the first or second date, I’m pretty unfazed (not always an enviable position to be in I’m afraid).
However, I feel differently if I am on the other side of the equation. Telling someone I’m not interested in them has never been fun. I suppose I don’t love disappointing people.
I talked with a co-worker about this dilemma at one point. I explained how I just didn’t want to tell this guy I wasn’t interested, but instead of empathizing with me my co-worker told me to stop feeling sorry for myself.
“No, you misunderstand. You are empathizing for him, but you are mostly feeling sorry for yourself. You are putting off telling him you aren’t interested not to save his feelings (because you are going to reject him at some point) but because you don’t want to feel the guilt of rejecting him.”
It was an eye opener. Yes, I didn’t want to go on another date with the guy, but that was not going to change with time. Putting off telling the guy wouldn’t save his feelings (indeed, it could only end up making him feel worse), instead I was trying to save my feelings. How selfish of me!
Going on so many dates recently has put me up to the rejection challenge. A few guys haven’t called back after our dates, and that’s okay, I get it. And other guys, well I’ll eventually have to tell them whether or not I’m feeling it. It’s not something I look forward to, but if nothing else, I want to be considerate, and I want to be honest.
My two last days were accompanied naiset latina by my two last dates of this experiment, and I ended up enjoying them immensely!
Both of the dates were second dates, and the guys were really creative. I mini golfed during the first one and baked during the second. It’s fun getting to know people in such relaxed environments. Not that I don’t like a symphony and nice dinner as much as the next girl, but sometimes those dates can be too formal.
