How the Times Have Changed
This week I wanted to explore how the inception of online connections changed the trends in monogamy in the 2000’s through present day.
So — Since the inception of chat rooms, the internet became practically a breeding ground for naughty behavior. We quickly learned — in the Lisbon in Portugal women 90’s when we started to have the ability to chat and email with others that the definition of infidelity needed to be redefined to include consideration for online relationships. I remember this shift happening and a lot of conversations around it — like storylines on prime time tv which quickly became fodder for a like your Sally Jessie Raphaels. Do you remember this Amanda?
AOL in the 90’s I remember was this insane space to connect suddenly with anyone and it was the wild, wild west. There were no restrictions — I mean, Amanda, you have seen PEN15 — this was real. Parents had no idea that this was like a cesspool of potential stranger danger and most kids (myself included — particularly coming from a relitively sheltered upbringing) had literally no concept of this new weird world around them. My sister Stephanie would kill me if I didn’t mention this story. So in 1996 Swingers the movie rose to widespread popularity when I was 16 (BTW doesn’t hold up) — it was also when AOL chat was sweeping the nation and we were all setting up our screen names. So I chose Swinger as my handle after this trendy word and AOL gave me some assorted numbers since there were already some “Swingers” — So I was Swinger689. Naturally from the Midwest in the 90’s and very naive we really had no idea that I basically had the ultimate chat name to get propositioned and had no idea that Swinger also was some other more sexual meanings. Everytime I was in a chat room dudes were always trying to take me into a private chat — i kinda thought that was normal — and i always declined because of course i had no interest in talking to strange men — I mean I am pretty sure I had my age in my profile — like I am 16 or 17 YO female so that was just kindling for the creeps.
Anyway — The newfound ability to covertly have conversations created a whole new set of circumstances and definitions of what “infidelity” means — and even the more lazy or socially distanced cheaters had access to potential cheating options. So this definition had to include a romantic and/or sexual relationship with someone other than the spouse or significant other, which begins with an online contact and is maintained mainly through electronic conversations that occur through e-mail and chat rooms.
The Polls are In
Last year (so in 2020), a YouGov poll found that some 17% of users across all dating apps were there to cheat on their current partners.
More Monogomy Moves
There was an interesting trend in Monogamy happening in the 2000s — essentially before the early aughts and through the 90’s people 18-55 were more likely to have extra the lines essentially CROSSED and it switched. And the older folks reported more affairs — and like quite a lot more — according to a survey done by Institute for Family Studies while the 18-55 severely declined.
So this was an ongoing trend happening -right on up to the pandemic — But then COVID hit and all bets were off and marriages showing cracks. Which helps me slide right into my main segment.
Ashley Madison — the online dating site founded in 2002 for arital affairs is reportedly having a boon year because of the pandemic. So you may remember Ashley Madison — who had a seriously insane hack that destroyed a lot of lives in 2015. Anyone who remembers this may ask — woah are they still around? Yes, they are and doing quite well may I add.
